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Home Sick

March 20th, 2017 at 10:36 am

No I am not physically sick.

What I am is desiring to be where my family is.

Due to the lack of jobs in my field where my family lives, I was forced to move far away from everyone I love last July. I have an excellent paying job that is allowing me to rapidly payoff my mortgage(my only debt). The question I ask myself each and every day is how long should I continue to live here. I know that the best thing I can do financially if stick this out a long as possible. My heart desires to go home constantly all the same.

I do love my job, I love what I do. Yes, this is me trying to convince myself to continue.

I am getting closer and closer to deciding to take my chances and just go home, because I miss my family something terrible. So I am trying to determine at what point will I feel secure enough to just move home.

This would definitely mean a huge drop in income, even if I got a job in my field. Yes, I am getting paid that well where here. Not because I am paid more here then a company possibly would pay me back home, rather exchange rates work in my favor, my home is in a different country.

I am considering offering my services at about 1/2 to 3/4 what I am worth, to a company back home. This would still be much more than minimum wage(which is what I was making at the job that I had previous to this one, due to lack of employment prospects in my field). This would be enough to more than cover monthly expenses, I really do not have very large monthly bills. Technically I am not allowed to do this since I am in a professional field(not ethically allowed by the professional organization to offer my services for less then my skills are worth). I was able to survive on minimum wage, due to the fact that a couple fellows are renting rooms from me. So technically I could consider doing the same type of job I was doing before this job came my way.

I started planning in my head towards a goal of moving back home in December. The parental figures would not even discuss this idea, why would you give up an job that pays so well. Yes, I am old enough to make my own decisions, but I respect my parents, and value their input on my decisions. Not that I really desire to move home in December, just that it was far enough away time wise to be able to come up with a reasonable plan of action. The truth is I don’t want to be having to live far away from everyone and everything I love for an undefined period of time, as this already feels oppressive. Planning towards the possibility is more a way to give myself mental relief from feeling trapped here.

Quite honestly this just me trying to determine what I really want, by writing out my thoughts.

Thank you for listening to me vent.

8 Responses to “Home Sick”

  1. jokeabee Says:

    I did not realize that home was in a different country. That must be terribly difficult.

    Could part of the reason why you're missing your family so much be because you aren't trying to make a life where your current job is? If you really don't like where you are and the only thing keeping you is your job then you should definitely explore moving back home-family is important, happiness is important and there are other things in life besides money.

    But if you think you might be happy where you live if you could find friends, a social circle, more support, etc, then maybe try focusing on that for a little while? It might help ease some of the homesickness and if it doesn't then you know you're making the right decision to go home.

  2. MonkeyMama Says:

    I know it's a very personal decision and you have to work it out for yourself, but I don't think I'd live so far from my family for *any amount of money*. Some things are just more important than money.

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    I didn't realize home was in another country either. Is there likely a cultural difference? That can be very hard. And I know moving even within country is difficult. It can take at least a whole year until one feels like there is less change going on.

    jokabee has some good advice in working towards finding a social circle.

  4. PatientSaver Says:

    Maybe you need to cut yourself some slack and pay for a plane ride home for a visit of up t a week or so. Can you Skype with your family so you can see each other, real time?

    If the job pays very well and you are making good progress on paying down the mortgage, I would be reluctant to give that up as I know full well how hard it can be to find a quality job. This is my head talking. Obviously there are others involved but I'd encourage you to stick it out longer.

    That being said, it's very reasonable to consider buying yourself a plane ticket for a visit.

  5. Kiki Says:

    I understand missing your family but what life have you built for yourself where you are? Are you volunteering? Participating in events and activities? Have you made friends where you are now? Are their groups for your particular cultural group - festivals, events that celebrate your culture you could join?

    When can you visit your family? (Although that could make you miss them more). Is there someone who could come and visit you?

    I think you mentioned once that you signed a contract? Is there a non compete clause once you leave? Can you break the contract? How would that look to future employers if you broke a contract? ( We hire a fair amount of contractors and I would not hire one who has previously broken a contract.)

  6. Slow Progress Says:

    It would be very difficult to move here permanently, work permits are easy enough to get, immigration papers are not so easy.

    No, there is not an overly large cultural difference. The issue is that I have a very special circle of friends back home that I will never have here. There is a cultural difference in the type of people here, plus those friendships are ones that took many years to establish. Friendships take a long time to form, I know this from experience. There are certain types of people that I do become close friends with quickly, none of those people exist in this geographic location(or not that I have found).

    I want to pay off a certain amount of my mortgage before I do decide to move back home. So the soonest I am possibly planning to make this move is December. There is a part of me though that would not mind one bit being laid-off and therefore force to move back home. I have a decent amount set aside in my emergency fund, so I really am not scared about what would I do if I was laid-off.

    Depending on vacation time given, I will definitely be finding time this summer to fly home for a visit. Actually, I am planning to do this no matter what. My parents may be disappointed that I am willing to fly home to see friends this summer, rather than trying to spend Christmas with my biological family(Parents and Brother, Sister-in-law, Nephew and Niece). I will be seeing my parents sometime next month as they are coming to visit, plus I would spend a little time with them when I fly home this summer. Oh I would see my brother and family as well when I fly home this summer.

  7. DW Says:

    Hello Guppy,
    I'm a long-time lurker. I actually started reading this site while living in another country. I left my home and I was out of the country for three years. It too was for financial gain. The opportunity was too great and I didn't think I was the homesick kind. Year one I became extremely home sick. I was on a three year visa so I knew the end date. At times I wanted to give up and come home early. I saved like crazy and I visited home every six months for a week. It's hard to make friends because most people are very leery at befriending new people into their circles. Therefore, set an end date for yourself, save like crazy and scheduled regular visits home. Before you come home have everything set in place. Would I do it again? You bet! It was a great adventure but nothing beats having family around.

  8. Guppy Tender Says:

    Answers for Kiki

    I sort of have a contract, a job offer letter, that allowed me to get the work permit required, stating that they plan to employ me for a 3 year period. My plan is to work here until the end the work permit. Reason that I plan to do this is that by the end of this 3 year period, I could have a huge portion of my mortgage paid off. There is nothing that I signed stating that I will work here for 3 year, only the document that pertains to moving expenses mentioned below.

    Yes, there is a financial penalty of sorts if I quit before I have worked here 3 years. This penalty is to pay back the money they gave me to cover my moving expenses. This is less than what I make in a two week period, so rather insignificant in my calculations.

    Even though the financial expense of having friends come to visit me is actually fairly small(and one that I would be willing to cover), there is a very small possibility of this happening. There is possible factors in their lives that make it difficult for them to come, even for a short visit to another country. I might consider approaching them with the possibility anyways.

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